Gameday Open Dead

God I love this team. They're so awesome at the game of football.

F*ck you, 49ers

How awful were the 49ers yesterday? How freaking bad will it get? Mike Nolan is completely incapable of preparing his team to play on Sundays. And this was at home!

First off, I would bet money that Mike Nolan never had his team practice short kickoffs, or ever even thought about them once in training camp. He prefers to put his players in a position where they can't succeed. Or, more accurately, he trains them wrong on purpose.

When your coaching philosophy tolerates spotting points to opposing teams early in the game (this is a CONSTANT theme that has yet to be corrected throughout these miserable Nolan years), how much more of the same will it take for ownership to fire the idiot with said coaching philosophy? (I am aware that ownership is a big part of the problem).

I can hear the pollyannas now:

Oooh, look, we outgained the Cardinals. (BFD look at TOP and GFY)

Give JT O'Sullivan a chance. He showed some promise. (I guess you didn't see the perfect Favre-like interception he threw? If he had tucked and slid the first down is his easily! And the fumbles...no wonder no one wanted this guy at QB

Hey, if you give up 5 turnovers, it's difficult to win. (I concur. Why is Zak Keasey on this team?)

Frank Gore looked great . (that's because he is great. Too bad Nolan can't figure out how to get his defense off the field on third and long, so Gore can do his thing.)

And it gets worse. The second half was unadulterated 49er fan torture. I guess it's no surprise that this team finds new ways to lose every year. I feel like the 49ers should compensate me for those 90 minutes in the second half that I will never get back. How in the hell do you tolerate getting absolutely manhandled by the Arizona Cardinals?

And if you thought the boring offenses of the last 4 years were bad, you're going to love the "no offense" of 2008.

Wasn't it two years ago Nolan talked about getting more physical players, so his team wouldn't be bullied by those big meanies from Arizona? (I know, I'm laughing, too). Epic fail, Nolan. 37 minutes. Those are Madden numbers.

Fire Mike Nolan. I know this means a Mike Martz-led 49ers, and I vomit a little at the thought, but Mike Nolan is the problem. The Niners were outhit, outplayed, and most definitely outcoached. Again.

GOOOOOOOOO JTOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and predicitions)

Ok, so I admit it. I am almost completely flip-flopping on one Mr. John Thomas O'Sullivan. Do I think he's better than Alex Smith? No. Do I think he's better right here, right now than Alex Smith? Most definitely.

I don't understand my initial hatred of the guy; he's the kind of guy everyone should root for. A 6th round pick journeyman who's never quite caught on anywhere. He was even a niner fan as a kid! It sorta sounds like Jeff Garcia to me. Maybe O'Sullivan is the Garcia to Smith's Druckenmiller? No, that's a moronic thing to say. But still, why not pull for the guy? He's a great story!

The frustrating thing to me was that Smith got basically no first-team snaps in the offense, an offense that he needs to learn. However, even Mike Martz, the guy who lobbied for O'Sullivan, is suprised at how well J.T. is playing.

So here's what we hope for: O'Sullivan gets a few wins, then sustains a mildly serious but not in any way career threatening injury right around week 7, then Smith gets his chance to show what he's got before his possible final year here is up. I don't know about anyone else, but I do not want Smith walking away from the team having never had a chance to show his stuff this season, and from what I read, neither does McCloughan.

Meaningless Prediction Time!!!!!111!

I did this last year, and came up with 3-2 at the bye, and 10-6 for the season. ESPN has recently called me for a job opening, as I'm still better than anyone that works there *rimshot*

Anyways, the more sensible, practical me this year is looking at the schedule, and is seeing the following: 3- 5 at the bye, with wins against Arizona, Detroit, and Seattle at home. For the season, it's looking like a possible 8-8, but more likely 7-9, with wins probably coming against STL (either at home or in St. Louis, but I don't see a sweep), Buffalo, New York (FU Fav-rah), and Miami. The last game against Washington at home looks to be the game that makes the difference between yet another losing season or just a mediocre one.

Now the question becomes: is 8-8 or 7-9 good enough to save Nolan's job? Will he be fired? Will the offense out perform my ridiculously low expectations? Will Bryant Johnson make me look like a genius for drafting him in the 12th round in fantasy football? These and many more questions will be answered starting in THREE SHORT DAYS!!!!11!!1!!!1!!

ed note: I'm going to be out of town for week 1, so that sucks. I'll be back Sunday night and will hopefully be in a good mood, celebrating a nice victory over the Tardz. Have fun without me!11!!

Peter King: Total Asshat

Hmm, Mike Nolan, we havn't heard you say something stupid for, oh it must have been about 10 minutes!

J.T. O'Sullivan has yet to play a meaningful game for the 49ers, and coach Mike Nolan is already calling his play better than anything he's seen from a 49ers quarterback since the 2005 season...

Nolan made that comment to SI's Peter King. "Thus far,'' Nolan told King, "J.T.'s been better than the other two (Smith and Shaun Hill), and there hasn't really been much of a gray area. His play's been better at the position than what we've had at any point in the last three years.''

WOW! You, sir, are a moron! Not that what he's saying is wrong, but why the hell would you say this in public? And I would have been fine leaving it at that, but then...

"My comment to Peter was talking about the entire position, and I'll talk to Peter because I know him well. As the conversation was going, I said the position is playing better than it has at any time since I've been here, not any one in particular. I have been pleased with the way the individuals have played. But Alex is playing at a very high level as well, in my opinion. So it was a position comment."

Now, I'm always one of the first ones to call Nolan a moron and get all huffy about things he does, but when Peter King's involved, well that's a different matter. That dude is a total douchebag, and I wouldn't doubt for a second that he deliberately misquoted Nolan just to stir the shyte.

Or it could be that Nolan is just an idiot, and once again showing he doesn't know how to publicly handle matters. There's a track record of incompetence from both guys!!! What do we do here?!?!?

John Thomas O'STARTERvan

hahahahahhah!!! I'm so clever.

Whatev, everyone saw it coming, and even I, the resident JT hater, have to admit it's the right call. He just plain looks better than Smith, and he must know the offense better than Hill. Here's to hoping the $9 million man wins his job back later on- it would really suck to cut him and have him actually be good for another team.

As long as Johnathon keeps the stupid INTs to a minimum and keeps the beautiful rainbows to VD to a maximum, he'll be fine in my book. GO JT!! I'm such a flip-flopper...

Notes: PS Week 3 vs Bears

First Half

• The early Red Zone failure is disheartening to say the least.
  
• WOWWOWOWOWOWOWOW. J.T. Just made 2 of the best throws I've seen back-to-back, and Vernon Davis actually held on to a ball!!! Jason Hill also FTW
• OK, that was a safety in any game, any time. What a crock of shit that call was. And, of course, the missed call leads to a TD. Mike Martz-esque timeout management means it couldn't be challenged.
  
• Overall, the defense really looked quite turrible. Some bright spots, but yikes. A lot of big passes given up, no pressure put on Orton. Made him look like Joe Montana circa 1988.
  
• Offense looked pretty good- O'Sullivan made some beautiful throws, Gore ran the ball very well, and VD actually held on to a tough pass.
• Me, the huge AS homer, is admitting he's not getting it done. He took wayyy too long to get rid of the ball a couple times, and missed WIDE OPEN targets also. That said, he got 'em in the end zone in the RZ, which had been a struggle.
  

Second Half

• Alex Smith- kind of a conundrum... He throws horribly inaccurate passes often, but has been moving the team, scoring points, and not turning the ball over. Hard to read the guy, maybe his shoulder isn't quite 100% yet?
  
• Thomas Clayton is a man! He's 40!! To this point, 9 car/ 62 yds and a GREAT TD run (finished with 18/81). His long is only 15 yds, so he's getting nice sustained long runs.
• Some other stuff happened that I don't remember. Shaun Hill should be given more of a shot, given his past success, but whatever. Also, that Hail Mary at the end really pissed me off for some reason.

So that's the "most important" preseason game, and I gotta say, it was an overall encouraging affair. Just think- at this time last year (after a PS game against the Bears), I had to make up excuse after excuse to explain to myself why this team looked SO amazingly awful at a time when they were being picked to win their division.

However, as I sit here after a nice victory, with extremely low expectations for this season, I find more and more reasons to be optimistic about the upcoming campaign. There are no excuses necessary (apart from the terrible Special Teams play, and the at times ridiculous defensive breakdowns...). They've actually looked....good. For two straight weeks!

Here's some things that really jump out at me :

30 + points(!) in back-to-back games
425(!!!!!!) yards of total offense (combine weeks 4 & 5 last season and you don't reach that)
Jason Hill with nearly 100 yards and a TD
Dominique Ziegler had 6 catches for 61 yds & a TD. Innnteresting. Lelie who?
No turnovers by the offense
Only 1 sack given up

Notice how none of those things are defensively related? That's because the defense didn't play very well, but they still played better than the Bears' D. I think it may be a symptom of a very short week; this game was all about offense for both teams.

Quick note on the QBs: I'm now officially retracting my hatred of JT. Sure, he's going to make infuriating decisions at times, but he made 2 throws that I've never seen Smith make before, and he can get stuff done on offense. I realize this total flip-flop makes me sound like your typical NFL fan, but I wasn't sure he was good enough, and he showed me otherwise (so far, anyways).

I think Smith may have a chance to regain the starting job later on, partly because the 9ers have to know if he's capable of haunting them after his release, partly because he needs more time in this offense, and partly because I'm not convinced he's fully healed from his injury. I've seen him underthrow very easy passes the last couple weeks- this is the guy who overthrew Battle 50 yards downfield in the rain in Seattle flat-footed. Let's hope his arm isn't Penningtoned.

PLEASE! STOP IT!!!

alkwdjfeianegoiwehagehgehgaoehothaewoirjeioajoenvaowinvioae
wnofienaoidvnoiadnvoeio11!!!

JTO to get third consecutive start

Quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan will get his third straight start to open the 49ers' exhibition season, but again coach Mike Nolan stopped short of saying O'Sullivan has won the starting job.

Who do you think you're kidding you douchebag? "Well yes, JT has taken every goddamn first-team practice snap since August first, and he's started all 3 preseason games. But Shaun Hill is still in the competition!!!! NOTHING HAS BEEN DECIDED! I'M THE DECIDER!!!!!!"

How stupid do we look? Really, you're going to let someone start 3 of 4 preseason games, work exclusively with the starters in practice, then bench them to start the season? We know you're stupid, but you're really that stupid? And you think we're that stupid?

ARRGGHHHH this is getting so old. I honestly will not be upset with a losing season, because it will mean we don't have to hear this crap from this idiot any more. I don't care if someone wants to be evasive, but you have to actually have success before you can act like what you're doing is going to work. You can't have 3 years of epic failure and then still act like you're smarter than everyone else. *political comment* Just ask George Bush! *rimshot*

Mike Nolan Translated

It is a well-documented fact that Mike Nolan cannot provide a decisive answer to even the most basic question. Instead of the straightforward machismo of a Ditka, or the strategic obfuscation of a Walsh, Nolan prefers the meandering irrationality of a Rumsfeld. I think it’s pretty obvious that Nolan thinks his press conference audience is comprised only of enemies and fools. This undeserved arrogance gives us a small peek into the man’s mind, and insight into why the 49ers never seem to put a complete (regular-season) game together.

Quotes from 49ers.com (Questions and Nolan's responses in gold-ish):

Any new decisions as far as the quarterback situation?
“No there’s been no decision. As soon as we do, I’ll offer it, but right now we don’t. As soon as we watch the film, grade it, and our guys are getting more involved in Chicago and we’ll go from there. No decisions. Nothing to announce.”

Translation: Hell if I know what to do with these 3 guys. One of them throws Favre-grade interceptions, one can’t anticipate receivers, and one can’t throw longer than 12 yards. Oh yea, and I don’t need quarterbacks. Remember the 2000 Ravens? That’s my blueprint. God I miss Trent Dilfer.

How much better can he (J.T. O’Sullivan) be with playing time?
“Well, I think anyone gets better with playing time. I think that’s fair to say. I would like to believe whoever we name quarterback, that that person – you know you obviously want to get better when the season goes along. I think that all of them can get better.”

Translation: We’re screwed regardless of our starting QB. I haven’t a clue how to manage the most important position on the team. Welcome to my legacy. [Pulls out cell phone. dials Trent Dilfer (he’s first in the contacts list)]

Do you think you’re getting a fair reading on Alex Smith and Shaun Hill at this point?
“I feel good about what we’re doing so far from a repetition stand point and time as well. Practice counts as well. So I feel good about the time.”

Translation: Why do you question me? You couldn’t possibly understand my “repetition stand point and time” metric.

We have talked about the naming of a starter for the regular season. Have you gone down that path yet of what you want to accomplish Thursday night in Chicago?
“Not quite yet, no. Because I’m just getting to looking at film on them. We’re just putting closure to the game from yesterday. But, going forward, we’ll do more work tonight and tomorrow. Again, Mondays – today’s not a Monday, as you well know – but Monday's schedule, typically, you’re putting closure to the prior game, and that’s about where we are.”

Translation: I haven’t looked at any film of the quarterbacks on my roster. I’ve spent the last 7 months watching film of Trent Dilfer. Not just football film, either, if you catch my drift. I don’t know what day it is.

Given Bryant Johnson’s injury situation, what’s the possibility of Josh Morgan starting the first regular season game?
“It’s too premature to say. I want to get … I don’t know when … We’ve only played two … we’re just halfway through preseason. We’ve only played two preseason games. Obviously we play four preseason games and we’ve only played two. So, there’s still a lot of time left for us to make that assessment of whether we want him to start or not. He’s done a very good job, and I don’t want to take anything away from the way he’s playing, but there’s nothing to report on that.”

Translation: Josh Morgan looks like a legitimate NFL receiver that could possibly scare defenses, so I’m going to bench him in favor of a grizzled vet who scares no one. The vet will provide 1 or 2 catches per game, helping us to a 3-9 record in November. At that point, Josh definitely gets his shot (but only after I’ve attacked him with my patented “motivation-magic” for 3 months).

Obviously, you’re looking at this from an expert’s eye. How would you assess his overall play last night?
A: blah blah blah

Translation: Nolan, flattered to no end by being referred to as an “expert”, proceeds with a 170 word answer. As a gift to his questioner, who obviously “gets it”, he drops one precious bit of insight:

“Really was a nice play by Alex and Josh, where they timed up well, and Alex stepped up and threw it before Josh was even out of his break, which is what you’re supposed to do.”

I guess stating that Alex Smith performed his job on one snap isn’t really insightful, but for Nolan this is a major concession.

How would you assess Josh Morgan’s blocking at this point?
“Good question. I can’t even answer it, to be honest with you. I haven’t looked at it. He’s fully capable. I know in practice he does a good job. I don’t see a weakness in that area, but I can’t say how he did in the game.”

Translation: How could I evaluate him if I haven’t watched any game film, Einstein? And why would I, master of defense, evaluate a potential playmaker we plucked in the 6th round? You should ask Martz. Next.

Is Tony Wragge’s play putting him in contention for the starting spot at the beginning of the season?
“Well, he’s done a good job. When the other guy comes back, the better player is going to play. So, we’ll see. David [Baas] started half the season last year at right guard. Tony has played in the past for us and done a good job. If nothing else, you have to feel good a little bit about the depth inside at guard. Kind of like at the receiver position, with some of these young guys getting some opportunities to play. It helps our depth.”

Translation: David Baas will start because I drafted him in the second round and my vanity will not allow an Arena reject to start. You hear that Martz? This guy thinks someone from the Arena league might start on our team. Idiot! Oh yea, and with the receivers, Josh Morgan is just depth: no chance to start.

Do you have to evaluate David Baas on what he did last year? Because you won’t have enough time to evaluate him on what he did this year...
“We’ll see when he gets back. The timetable for when he gets back -- I think he’s a little ahead of schedule. We’ll know that for sure the day he gets back. And if that happens, maybe he’ll get some opportunities. If he comes out and shines right away, then there might be something to it. But otherwise, like I said, I think it’s a good problem to have if you have two guys competing who can play when the season begins.”

Translation: No. Baas will start if he’s healthy. The roster I have cemented in my head says so.

On that play when Donald Lee got so wide open in the end zone, I’m assuming that Takeo Spikes bit on the play action and that’s the reason he got so wide open. I’m wondering if that’s correct, and, overall, how did he play?
“Takeo played eight plays. He did not have the responsibility of the tight end on that play. That was not his play at all. He might have been able to bang the guy before he when up the field, but by the formation, that was not his.”

Translation: Finally! A question about the defense. Maybe these nitwits are catching on. To answer your obviously IDIOTIC question: Takeo will never be in error, for he is a grizzled vet. I heart grizzled vets.

Who was responsible for Lee on that play?

Nolan goes on about banjos. I can’t imagine playing for this guy. Still, his boiled-down answer is actually pretty good. It is about defense after all. Basically Spikes missed the bump and the tight end used his eyes to freeze the DBs.

Were there any injuries to report?
“Jonas [Jennings] had a hand, had a knuckle that got banged up. They were checking it; I don’t know what the extent of it quite yet. But they had to check it out to make sure there wasn’t a break or something.”

Translation: Jonas Jennings once had a hand. They had to check out his ovaries to make sure there wasn't a break or something.

Do you know when that occurred in the game?
“I do not. I do not, because it wasn’t told to me after the game. I think it was something that he just came in this morning with.”

Translation: It occurred during his time on the field. Since this will amount to all of 12 minutes this season, who cares about Jonas Jennings. Next.

How do you think he played against Aaron Kampman?
“OK. You know, just OK.”

Translation: Enough with the questions about the offense!

How did Zak Keasey play last night?...etc

A: Nolan says Morris and Keasey are both doing a good job. No decision. I’m shocked. I know the answer will come in the form of roster cuts, but it’s so obvious Nolan doesn’t give a crap about this competition.

Next there are a couple special teams questions. Nolan essentially rolls his eyes and makes jerk-off motions with his hand.

Lastly, in regards to confidence in the team after a good performance:

Does the same go for the pass rush?
“Yeah, we’ve done the same for two weeks. We’ve done it well and we’ve done it well in practice. We just keep building on that. We’re all well aware that it’s preseason. So we have to, everything we evaluate, we have to decide how we’re doing it, what group we’re doing it against. At no time do you want to sit back and say, ‘Boy, we got that fixed.’ It is preseason, so it’s an ongoing process to continue to stay on top of things during the season. So, we still have a lot of work to do, but there’s a lot of encouraging things that are happening. It’s just we have to identify them correctly.”

Translation: Damn straight I’m confident. With Aaron Rodgers coming to town, I put in every defensive look in the playbook. Sure, I wasted valuable training camp time by installing a regular season game plan, but there was no way I’d let that Rodgers punk off the hook, even for preseason. Yes, I am that vain.

Additional thoughts and concerns

OK- so when's the last time the 49ers led the league in scoring during a week? Pretty amazing. As fun as that game was to watch, I have a concern.

See, that bomb to Morgan was awesome. Maybe too awesome. I'm a little worried that that one play will overshadow the absolutely horrendous INT that led to 3 points for the opponent. That doesn't fly in the regular season, and O'Sullivan has thrown two terrible INTs in back-to-back weeks. It wasn't like he was even forcing them into coverage- there was no red jerseys around.

And before I sound too homerish, I gotta say that I didn't think Smith looked great. I thought he was better than JT (I would have liked to have seen less running plays to Clayton- WTF? Let the dude throw), but that under throw to Morgan was awful. That should have been another big TD play, and I've seen him leave points like that on the field too many times. I'm wondering if maybe his arm isn't all the way healed, and that's why he's slipping down the roster. Or maybe he's just not good. Or maybe he's still figuring the offense out. That's what the rest of the PS will show us I guess.

Anyways, quick note on the defense: WOWOWOWOWOW. Do you know how many net yards the Packers had? One hundred eighty two. That's 2007 niners right there. Pass rush was excellent, run defense was pretty good, and pass coverage was nice as well. For once, the defense didn't make bad players look good. They made bad players look bad, and made pretty good players look bad, too.

I'm overreacting a bit to this one, meaningless preseason game, but can you blame me? How long has it been since we've watched a game like this? I had quite a lot of fun with it. Here's hoping the team shows up against Chicago- that will be a better test, methinks.

Some notes

• I love you, Josh Morgan. Have my baby. You are the man, dude.
  
• O'Sullivan- you had good stats, and as much as I hate you, even I must admit that long TD was a great GREAT pass. That said, your arm looks weak on too many throws...but I don't hate you as much now. Your ridiculous INT is the only reason the D isn't pitching a shutout, though.
• Alex showed improvement over last season- give him time and he'll figure the offense out.
  
• DeShaun Foster- very happy he's the backup. That's a solid RB corps (compare him to Hicks? Not even close)
• The defense. Was. Epic. They made the Packers look like the 49ers circa 2007. Aaron Rodgers? You can SUCK IT, my friend. Can haz sackz? Yez, can haz themz! Four sacks in one half, with (I think) 2 coming on only 4-man rushes. D was very encouraging to say the least.

Bring on the second half and Alex Smith. 233 yards in ONE HALF? Has the NFL been notified? I'm pretty sure the 49ers are breaking some sort of rule, since they didn't get 200 yards in many games last season.

SECOND HALF

• Are you kidding me??!?!?! When's the last time, PS or not, we saw the 9ers play this well on offense? 24-6, with 310+ yards.
  
• Alex Smith: Better than J.T. O'sullivan. Had the terrible underthrown pass, but that was his game warm-ups. O'Sullivan's game warm-up was a terrible INT, akin to the terrible INT he threw last week. Just sayin'...
• Josh Morgan- still a stud. Newz @ 11.
  
• Backup defense still playing pretty well
• Joe Nedney: good kicker.
• Epic fail on the 2 big returns for the Packers
• TBC will own your soul, Matt Flynn
• Punt return for a TD?? Allen Rossum for the effing win. Is that the first one since 2005? Pretty sure it is. That was fun.
• This game is fun to watch. 34-6 over the Packers- I don't care about preseason or whatever, it's fun to blow people out. I looked it up- niners haven't won a game by more than 2 TDs (PS included) since Nolan took over. Holy shit- we have an offense! Sort of!
• Quick note: the TV guys gave O'Sullivan player of the game. Josh Morgan: 5 Rec, 114 yds and a TD. And they gave it to J T. Wow.
• 4 TOs for the D tonight. Good game everyone!