The Center Cannot Hold

Look, I moved on from football team discussion board/comment section shitshows a long time ago. I'm not proud of the surely-ignorant text I'd shoot across the internets, but it could be fun at times, and even satisfying.

In my time, it was Packers, Rams, and maybe Dallas fans. Mixed in with the two or three truly psychotic trolls, you could catch a glimpse that most of those people were just like you: bored at work, in the mood for a little passive/aggressive (or just straight aggressive) behavior to blow off some steam, and willing to let it go at the appropriate time.

And this is in addition to the usual inside banter. You know, the dissection of your team, your player, or your (god forbid) mock draft with other like-minded folks. It could get a little heated, because it seems like everyone online is on edge all the time (that's a discussion for another time), and there could be some pretension, with IT guys talking blocking angles and contain (not that there's anything wrong with that).

But have you seen these fucking Seahawk fans? It's one thing to be confident in your team, and wholly another to have no sense of shame, no fear that your team might screw up (this is the truly insane aspect), and no empathy (sociopathy at its finest!).

I've seen no meaner, conscience-less, full-asshole humans than these Seattle fans commenting on your usual championship-week articles.

Yes, I still read the comments.

Have you seen the Russell Wilson thing?

This is truly the work of an asshole. Aside from the strong scent of a gay-porn cover in that first Wilson picture, isn't it unconscionable to demonize what appears to be a good kid from a non-traditional family background? To simply ignore his good works in the name of (not even good) Seahawk propaganda? 

And you add these coded pictures (look, Kaepernick is urban) to the utter bullshit about tattoos and backwards hats, well, fuck whoever made this, you're an awful human. And really, that's my point. In 2014, Seattle Seahawks fans, for the most part, are awful humans. Their lack of humanity defines them the same way purpose-built architecture defines their 12th man. Or something.

Go Niners. Defeat these fluorescent enemies in the name goodness, kindness, and humility. 

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And seriously, how can you not just hate the Wilson portrayed as a fucking veritable Dudley Do-Right. Who could root for THAT guy? It's worse than Kurt Warner and his bible verses, or Bret Favre and his folksy dick pix. 

Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa

     I had no particular animus towards the Panthers coming into this game. They were (I thought) very similar to SF: a tough team who relies on their defense to make big plays and their offense to not screw it all up. They also have a QB who can make your defense shake their head trying to figure out what exactly happened on that last play.

     Imagine my surprise when they morphed into a Jeff Fisher coached team, then. Tough talk, chippy penalties, late hits, showboating- they had the works. Acting like a perennial contender rather than a pathetic franchise who was making their first playoff appearance in half a decade. Well, I hope they're going home humbled. They got a bit of a glimpse of how an ACTUAL superbowl contender does business, and that was extremely satisfying.

     That first half was nerve-racking, their offense was moving the ball at will and Kaepernick was throwing off his back foot in between 2 closing LBs trying to thread the ball right in front of DBs, a trait I hope he dispenses with, like, yesterday.

     But gawd damn, our team has some good coaches. What a GREAT drive at the end of the half. That was one of the best drives of the year, capped off by Vernon Davis making the kind of play that I didn't know he had in him. Getting free of their supposed Patrick Willis clone, opening himself up, and dragging his foot perfectly for the TD. Just awesome.

     Then those coaches remembered that Frank Gore plays for them, and in the 2nd half they chose to give him the ball. Hunter was great, too. The running game, as it should, sealed a great win for the 49ers, and Kaepernick flashed his incredible ability one more time to add a nice cherry on top. Mocking Cam's celebration was, given the way the Panthers had been representing themselves, entirely justified and I stood and applauded. Just so awesome.

     For whatever reason, I had a terrible feeling before watching that the 49ers were not going to win. They showed up big time. Now we get a week of the media's collective genitals exploding prior to The Rematch to End All Rematches next week. I like SF's chances. Seattle's offense sucks. LET'S DO THIS.

     Oh, and given that ABSOLUTE HORSE SHIT roughing the passer call, which single-handedly kept Carolina in the game, I like how one of the narratives from this game is the Panthers were plagued by "questionable calls". Bull shit, New York media. Get a grip.

I enjoy symmetry

     The 1988 49ers were a bit of a rudderless mess sitting at 6-5 and coming off 2 straight terrible losses in games they should have won. They turned their season around with a big primetime win against the Washington Redskins.

     The 2013 49ers were a bit of a rudderless mess sitting at 6-4 and coming off 2 straight terrible losses in games they should have won. They turned their season around with a big primetime win against the Washington Redskins!

     We can only hope the seasons have a similar ending as well.