WHY ARE THESE MORONS DROPPING PASSES, YOU ARE PAID MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO CATCH A FOOTBALL. CATCH THE FOOTBALL. THAT IS LITERALLY, LIKE, YOUR ONLY JOB.
This is total BS.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
That was satisfying
don't even care if the 49ers lose tonight. What a hilarious way for the Seahawks to lose a game, with the other team desperately trying to hand it to them. Pete Carroll gets thoroughly out-coached by Jeff Fisher which, really, maybe when that happens it's time to hang up the cleats. How on earth you're not ready for a fake punt there against a team who does them all the time is beyond me, but damn if I didn't die laughing.
And Pete Carroll flailing around after his team just got completely pinked on that "fake return"- I want a gif of that. Hilarious.
When Seattle loses it's almost as good as the 49ers winning. That's a huge game for SF's division chances, now if only Oakland can maybe chose this one game to stop being the Raiders just for, like, 5 minutes. That would be great.
And Pete Carroll flailing around after his team just got completely pinked on that "fake return"- I want a gif of that. Hilarious.
When Seattle loses it's almost as good as the 49ers winning. That's a huge game for SF's division chances, now if only Oakland can maybe chose this one game to stop being the Raiders just for, like, 5 minutes. That would be great.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Same old Rams
I felt like I was taking crazy pills in the 1st half, and am still not entirely sure what to make of that. The 49ers weren't even playing especially bad (other than the COMPLETELY UNFORGIVABLE fumble by McDonald that I saw coming a mile away. What a tool.), but St Louis actually did look like they'd gone back to 1999.
It fit a little too perfectly, what with the no-name QB who'd been bagging shoes at the local mall 10 months ago or whatever coming in to save the day and carry his team to an improbable win on "let's celebrate the only time in our history we've ever been exciting or relevant" night. The pit of my stomach was full of bile and dread and fear. He was making actual plays. The 49ers were not blowing coverages, this guy was stepping away from free-running defenders and throwing balls into impossibly tiny windows, and on the other end his no-name receivers were making the kind of catches that signal "hey defense, nice try and all but you're screwed tonight". The penalties by SF were maddening and stupid and frustrating, but even without them St Louis looked like they were simply better for, oh, 29 minutes and 30 seconds. Then they stupendously, amazingly, and all at once decided collectively to remember "oh shit! We're the Rams aren't we?!".
Yeah, it was Janoris Jenkins who blew the coverage, but I choose to believe that was The Rams Way rearing its ugly head. Man coverage with no help over the top when the opponent is at their own 20 and has under a minute left? The Rams Way. Blame Jenkins all you want, but what the hell was that coverage?! It's a long list of awesome 49ers moments in recent years, but for me that play is right up there. So much meaning and history and narrative just kind of fell into place in a space of 80 yards. That's the kind of play where as a completely irrational fan you're thinking "hey, all we need is a defender to fall down or something, then we're right back in this thing!", except it actually happened, because The Rams. They are the Rams and always The Rams shall they be.
Then all was well for the rest of the game. Sure, maybe SF should have taken the 3 points at the end there, but I'm pretty sure they were like "hey, it's the Rams, whatever". Vance McDonald: I know you're annoyed that Vernon was an idiot and cost you a TD, but maybe you should, you know, FIGHT FOR THE GODDAMN BALL a little more when you're hit at the point of a catch. He should have caught that. Between that and the fumble, I'm fired up at McDonald after that game. Gross performance.
Seattle loses at home, the 49ers continue their pretty impressive night game play under Jim Harbaugh, and Kaepernick wins me the week in fantasy football. It went well this weekend!
That TD to Boldin is why I should shut the hell up any time I want to bash Kap. That play, man. Quick: how many other QBs in the league could make that play? Oh, ZERO! That throw was UNBELIEVABLE and he made it with like 5 guys in his face throwing off-balance. Dayumm.
It fit a little too perfectly, what with the no-name QB who'd been bagging shoes at the local mall 10 months ago or whatever coming in to save the day and carry his team to an improbable win on "let's celebrate the only time in our history we've ever been exciting or relevant" night. The pit of my stomach was full of bile and dread and fear. He was making actual plays. The 49ers were not blowing coverages, this guy was stepping away from free-running defenders and throwing balls into impossibly tiny windows, and on the other end his no-name receivers were making the kind of catches that signal "hey defense, nice try and all but you're screwed tonight". The penalties by SF were maddening and stupid and frustrating, but even without them St Louis looked like they were simply better for, oh, 29 minutes and 30 seconds. Then they stupendously, amazingly, and all at once decided collectively to remember "oh shit! We're the Rams aren't we?!".
Yeah, it was Janoris Jenkins who blew the coverage, but I choose to believe that was The Rams Way rearing its ugly head. Man coverage with no help over the top when the opponent is at their own 20 and has under a minute left? The Rams Way. Blame Jenkins all you want, but what the hell was that coverage?! It's a long list of awesome 49ers moments in recent years, but for me that play is right up there. So much meaning and history and narrative just kind of fell into place in a space of 80 yards. That's the kind of play where as a completely irrational fan you're thinking "hey, all we need is a defender to fall down or something, then we're right back in this thing!", except it actually happened, because The Rams. They are the Rams and always The Rams shall they be.
Then all was well for the rest of the game. Sure, maybe SF should have taken the 3 points at the end there, but I'm pretty sure they were like "hey, it's the Rams, whatever". Vance McDonald: I know you're annoyed that Vernon was an idiot and cost you a TD, but maybe you should, you know, FIGHT FOR THE GODDAMN BALL a little more when you're hit at the point of a catch. He should have caught that. Between that and the fumble, I'm fired up at McDonald after that game. Gross performance.
Seattle loses at home, the 49ers continue their pretty impressive night game play under Jim Harbaugh, and Kaepernick wins me the week in fantasy football. It went well this weekend!
That TD to Boldin is why I should shut the hell up any time I want to bash Kap. That play, man. Quick: how many other QBs in the league could make that play? Oh, ZERO! That throw was UNBELIEVABLE and he made it with like 5 guys in his face throwing off-balance. Dayumm.
Just Some Shit I Saw
I checked in with the Cowboys at Seahawks game somewhere in the second quarter, and saw the Cowboys defensive line hanging back and forcing The Nicest-Most Skilled-Kindest-Earnestest-No Headphones-No Tattoos quarterback to throw from a pocket:
14/28 126 0 1
At home.
Anyway, occasionally I scan SBN sites when I'm feeling self-abusive. This morning I was scrolling through the PM game thread at Niners Nation and found the following exchange:
 |
| Brutal Reading Comprehension |
That is some dense shit right there. That is a good gag, too, and Trick 49er is right on, because here's the first thing I saw at Field Gulls:
 |
| 12's? |
I wasn't aware they called each other 12s. I didn't think there could be anything worse than the certificate for being loud.
I dunno. Everyone knows sports discussion is a completely futile enterprise. I suppose this is just more proof.
"12's".
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Amazing
Amazing.
A. Maze. Zing.
There's a lot of things to like about that game: the team actually making halftime adjustments and playing better than their opponent in the 2nd half. The offense looked pretty OK against an OK team. The defense played well when they had to. Yadda yadda yadda, plenty to like, plenty to not like.
The story of this game: Andy Reid. hahahahahah Andy Reid. He will never let you down. Caught with his pants down on the fake punt, 12 players on the field on the most critical play of the game- it was vintage Andy. I was surprised they handled their timeouts as well as they did, but a lot of that was the 49ers being too stupid to know that they should STAY IN BOUNDS IN THE 4TH QUARTER, MORONS.
But Andy Reid, man. That was so hilarious.
Also, I like Alex Smith. I've always been his biggest defender, at times to the point of complete unreasonableness. Today, he made plays I never saw him make in SF, but he also made the exact plays I expected him to make: the critical 3rd down wide open screen pass that got knocked down, and the CRUCIAL overthrow of the wide open receiver for an INT at the end of the game. That Saints game was a MIRACLE. This outcome is always so much more likely from Alex Smith.
For just a few moments I had the feeling that Alex Smith was going to return to SF and lead a come-from-behind touchdown drive at the last minute and ruin everything. Then I remembered that he's Alex Smith: Tragedy Figure. This was how it had to end. I almost feel bad for him, but the 49ers really needed a win, so whatever.
Alex Smith and Andy Reid: kind of perfect for each other. Thanks guys!
A. Maze. Zing.
There's a lot of things to like about that game: the team actually making halftime adjustments and playing better than their opponent in the 2nd half. The offense looked pretty OK against an OK team. The defense played well when they had to. Yadda yadda yadda, plenty to like, plenty to not like.
The story of this game: Andy Reid. hahahahahah Andy Reid. He will never let you down. Caught with his pants down on the fake punt, 12 players on the field on the most critical play of the game- it was vintage Andy. I was surprised they handled their timeouts as well as they did, but a lot of that was the 49ers being too stupid to know that they should STAY IN BOUNDS IN THE 4TH QUARTER, MORONS.
But Andy Reid, man. That was so hilarious.
Also, I like Alex Smith. I've always been his biggest defender, at times to the point of complete unreasonableness. Today, he made plays I never saw him make in SF, but he also made the exact plays I expected him to make: the critical 3rd down wide open screen pass that got knocked down, and the CRUCIAL overthrow of the wide open receiver for an INT at the end of the game. That Saints game was a MIRACLE. This outcome is always so much more likely from Alex Smith.
For just a few moments I had the feeling that Alex Smith was going to return to SF and lead a come-from-behind touchdown drive at the last minute and ruin everything. Then I remembered that he's Alex Smith: Tragedy Figure. This was how it had to end. I almost feel bad for him, but the 49ers really needed a win, so whatever.
Alex Smith and Andy Reid: kind of perfect for each other. Thanks guys!
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