The Packers at Candlestick, in the Divisional Playoffs,
after a bye, is not at all something I wanted to see again. This weekend’s game
brings the 1995 NFC divisional’s worst memories tumbling back: Adam Walker’s goddamn
cast, Fritz Shurmer’s indecipherable smoked glasses, Mike Holmgren’s gaseous smirk,
the refs (oh the refs), and the dick sexter with unlimited good
fortune. Moreover, the worst: the maddening knowledge that my team was “owned”,
and probably would be for some time.
I cannot see another team inspiring burning sports-hate like
the 1996-2007 Packers (though the Seahawks do try).
Packer fans inevitably pointed to Jerry Rice’s fumble on the
winning drive in the ’98 Wild Card game. According to them, it was a horrible
affront to sportsmanship and fairness. It was a slap in the face to the stringently
regulated game of pigskin. The zebras and 49ers executed a devious cover-up, a situation
in which the Packers would never participate. It was, naturally, the only
reason they lost.
If you listen closely, you can still hear my laughter
echoing in the distance.
If the 2012 49ers/Packers regular season game taught us
anything, it is that Packers fans still cannot even grudgingly admit defeat. It
was a sublime victory for our heroes, recognized by any fan as a physical beating, the players
in green and yellow practically begging for mercy by game’s end.
Yet the most irritating, entitled assholes in all of sports*
were claiming the Packers lost because:
The replacement refs did not call enough pass interference
That is rich, coming from fans of the team that practically sat
on Brent Jones’s head the entire ’95 divisional game. I’m sure Shurmer’s eyes
were twinkling beneath those brown lenses, watching his team hanging on to
Niners backs and receivers with nary a whistle. However, you can’t be sure. He
eventually passed away, so the mystery persists.
If I did not already loathe the Seahawks, I would have laughed
even harder when they gave back to the Packers what Green Bay so richly deserved
for so long: a bullshit touchdown call. Kudos to the replacement refs for eventually
ensuring a bye week for the Niners. Those birds (pun intended?) finally came
home to roost, 16 years later.
I did not want the Niners anywhere near the Redskins. If the 'Skins beat the Seahawks, they would have been the hottest team in the playoffs. With a crushing halfback, blitzing defense, and a great QB (well, maybe not anymore), they would have crept up and beat the favored Niners.
Nor did I want to see the Seahawks, so soon after that Sunday night drubbing. If both teams are fortunate enough to earn a spot in the championship game, I think the Niners will be up to the test. Someone somewhere will introduce Russell Wilson to the NFL during one of his traipses, and I think a Niners linebacker would be an appropriate greeter.
This year portends sweeter endings than Elvis Grbac throwing
ducks in the muck, or Antonio Freeman breaking a 5-yard slant for paydirt. This
year Green Bay’s Fabio-led defense can’t stop the run, and Frank Gore has had two
weeks of rest. Harbaugh has Vernon Davis under the radar. Aaron Rodgers is playing tentatively, thanks to a very bad offensive line. I think this matchup favors the 49ers.
*Okay, Yankee and Red Sox fans are the most irritating,
entitled assholes in all of sports. Packers fans are a close third. Seriously.
They’re horrible football fans.
